Comments on: Grandmotherly Temptations

By: bean

bean — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 23:41:13 +0000

I’m with Billie - I’d love to hear gracious suggestions for these types of situations…and maybe to a slightly wider audience (lots of wonderful, well-meaning “grandmas” at church for our pastor’s-kid children).

By: Megan Lindsay

Megan Lindsay — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 22:40:31 +0000

I have to agree with pentamom about a skewed view of our own kids. I am shocked sometimes to realize that what I see as adorable in another 3-year old, for example, I find completely embarassing or correction-worthy in my own. Sometimes I’m being too hard on my own child, and sometimes too easy on others (or sometimes both). I need to check my heart constantly.

I also need to check my heart contantly with my mother and mother-in-law. Both sets of parents (one Christian, the other not) are the gracious, non-meddling sort. But both think we are too hard on our children. So sometimes I find myself feeling very defensive around them when I apply correction, and sometimes I neglect correction in order to avoid their discomfort.

Part of the problem is that nobody wants to talk about it. We all think we should avoid discussion — they don’t want to ask questions about our thinking on certain matters, and we don’t want to have to provide answers. I actually think this situation is more painful than would be the pain of working through it!

By: Brittany Martin

Brittany Martin — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:24:11 +0000

Thank you, Nancy, for this! So, is there any way that we can get it off Femina and post it somewhere like Yahoo or Google’s homepage where all of our grandparents my “accidentally” stumble on it?

By: pentamom

pentamom — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:25:22 +0000

Hah! I had a flopper, too. And we dealt with it in much the same way. Now that he’s 15, I can’t remember the last time he did it.
And I notice the temptation in myself, not even as a grandparent yet, but as one who is past the toddler stage with my children — I tend to think all the younger parents are being “too strict” with their kids, though God has graciously prevented me from opening my trap about it. There are two things I have to remember. One, I was harder on my first than the others, relaxing a bit and gaining a bit of wisdom as I got older, but the first does not seem any the worse for it. Second, I think most of us tend to view other people’s kids either as darlings or holy terrors — we aren’t as clear-sighted as the people to whom God has actually given the responsibility and grace to raise them. So, it seems “mean” to us to see someone else discipline her “darling” children, whereas if it were us, and our children, we’d probably see it as needful in the same situation.

By: Julie Beth

Julie Beth — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 16:55:14 +0000

This has nothing to do with your post, but I just had to pass along this little story. This morning I was reviewing some letters and sounds with my 5 and 3 year old daughters, and we got to the letter U. I asked my 5 year old if she could think of any words that had a “u” sound in them and she said “dug”. My 3 year old piped up, “Yes, like Doug Wilson!” !

By: Cathe

Cathe — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:20:19 +0000

I agree with Mandi - in my experience, I have to exercise that self-control over temptation to correct and “guide” the grandchild. It’s just as hard. We raised them to be adults, though, and we have to let go and trust God to redeem the situation.

By: Billie

Billie — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:19:39 +0000

Maybe if I could tip my mom upside down and spin her around singing “AAAAAALLLLL FORGIVEN!!!” after we have to spank one of her darling grandchildren, it would cheer her heart as well? Okay, so I can’t really do that (not enough time in the gym these past 5 years, perhaps?) Any suggestions for those of us moms (& dads) who find ourselves at the receiving end of those critically tempted but well-meaning grandmothers?

By: Rita Joiner

Rita Joiner — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:39:45 +0000

I’ve have been wonderfully blessed by neither my mother nor my mother-in-law criticizing us as we make decisions for our one ex-utero, one in-utero little ones.

By: Mandi

Mandi — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:31:13 +0000

Sometimes the temptation leans the other way and grandparents (who were very strict parents) don’t think that the grandkids are being disciplined enough.

By: Erin de Bruyn

Erin de Bruyn — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 06:41:33 +0000

Amen Nancy! I am the missionary wife of a pastor in South Africa…and I am so blessed to have a mom who is a godly grandmother to her little ones. Though we don’t see her as often as we so long to, I know she is praying for us and our little ones. And what is such a major source of encouragement to us in the ministry here is the influence she has in her calls….or those desperate calls of mine just for mom to remind me that we are doing right giving all those corrections that seem like they will never stop, end or work!
A godly grandmother is a Proverbs 31 woman, “More precious than rubies.” How I thank God for that woman in my life!