Comments on: The Complaint Cycle http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/ Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:11:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=wordpress-mu-1.2.5 By: Nancy Ann http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37791 Nancy Ann Fri, 29 Feb 2008 05:01:12 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37791 Dear Charis, When I write a post on this blog, though men may read it, I am addressing women. Of course I agree with you that men are sinners just like women! But I'm not talking to them. Cordially, Nancy Dear Charis,
When I write a post on this blog, though men may read it, I am addressing women. Of course I agree with you that men are sinners just like women! But I’m not talking to them.
Cordially,
Nancy

]]> By: Charis http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37740 Charis Thu, 28 Feb 2008 14:10:05 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37740 Nancy wrote: <blockquote>Women are naturally complainers. That’s the only explanation for all the warnings in Proverbs to stay away from the contentious wife, the angry woman, the brawling woman, the clamorous, foolish and odious woman. Yikes. It’s like he’s talking to us.</blockquote> I can find plenty of verses with similar warnings to men. "As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a <b>contentious</b> <i><b>man</b></i> to kindle strife." Proverbs 26:21 Would it be fair for me to conclude that "men are naturally complainers"? If you said "people are naturally complainers" I would not have an issue with that. However, I object to your singling out <b>women</b> for this criticism. Having spent 22 years of my marriage NOT complaining, conflict avoidant, and thinking I was being a "good Christian wife" followed by several years of INTENSE "contention", I have come to believe that a season of contention is necessary and God ordained in some marriages. I think women need encouragement to embrace the difficult and painful process with courage, not to shrink back from conflict and confrontation lest they be condemned by accusations of being "contentious". cf <a href="http://www.raystedman.org/genesis/3664.html" rel="nofollow">The Circumcised Life by Ray Stedman </a> <a href="http://www.raystedman.org/genesis/3664.html" rel="nofollow"> </a> Nancy wrote:

Women are naturally complainers. That’s the only explanation for all the warnings in Proverbs to stay away from the contentious wife, the angry woman, the brawling woman, the clamorous, foolish and odious woman. Yikes. It’s like he’s talking to us.

I can find plenty of verses with similar warnings to men. “As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife.” Proverbs 26:21 Would it be fair for me to conclude that “men are naturally complainers”? If you said “people are naturally complainers” I would not have an issue with that. However, I object to your singling out women for this criticism.

Having spent 22 years of my marriage NOT complaining, conflict avoidant, and thinking I was being a “good Christian wife” followed by several years of INTENSE “contention”, I have come to believe that a season of contention is necessary and God ordained in some marriages. I think women need encouragement to embrace the difficult and painful process with courage, not to shrink back from conflict and confrontation lest they be condemned by accusations of being “contentious”. cf The Circumcised Life by Ray Stedman

]]> By: Megan Lindsay http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37432 Megan Lindsay Mon, 25 Feb 2008 04:11:20 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37432 As a single woman in the workplace I was thoroughly discontent with my life because I wanted to be married. God had obivoulsy given me a reason to want and ask for more, in the form of a godly desire for a husband and family. But there was a big difference between earnestly seeking His face and grumbling that it was taking so long. I never repented of this discontent when the Lord finally did bring me my husband, and so my discontent simply put on a married face. Just as you said, Nancy, the cycle continued. Through years of marriage I have realized how many of my expecatations of married life were false, and I wonder if this is something women struggle with their whole lives. But it has taken me many years to realize that when I stop seeking Christ, when I find my worth or satisfaction in someone or something other than the Lord, that's when the complaining begins again. My discontent ultimately is not about my husband, children, parents, or whatever. It's about my cold love for God. Thank you so much for reminding me of this! I need to hear it again and again. As a single woman in the workplace I was thoroughly discontent with my life because I wanted to be married. God had obivoulsy given me a reason to want and ask for more, in the form of a godly desire for a husband and family. But there was a big difference between earnestly seeking His face and grumbling that it was taking so long. I never repented of this discontent when the Lord finally did bring me my husband, and so my discontent simply put on a married face. Just as you said, Nancy, the cycle continued.

Through years of marriage I have realized how many of my expecatations of married life were false, and I wonder if this is something women struggle with their whole lives. But it has taken me many years to realize that when I stop seeking Christ, when I find my worth or satisfaction in someone or something other than the Lord, that’s when the complaining begins again. My discontent ultimately is not about my husband, children, parents, or whatever. It’s about my cold love for God.

Thank you so much for reminding me of this! I need to hear it again and again.

]]> By: Lynn http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37329 Lynn Fri, 22 Feb 2008 22:58:41 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37329 I would like to toss this in. My husband was not walking with the Lord when we married, and frankly neither was I. For a couple of years, I was that complaining wife. And my husband was very harsh with me, and we were not happy. A lovely older woman at our church confronted me about my poor witness as a complainer. I was stunned, and did not at first respond well. But her words would not leave my thoughts, and the Holy Spirit used that repeating of "your complaint is not honoring to your husband, or your God" I began to pray for my own heart, then for my husband's. I was really broken before the Lord for a number of years before my husband followed. But he has come to such a faith, such a God-honoring life of leadership in our family, now for many years. I know well that my complaining was tearing my home down, and that God has poured out overwhelming blessing on our family as we have all made it a priority to glory in Him and His kindness to us. So, for me, being clearly confronted was instrumental for change and I am thankful someone took the chance. I would like to toss this in. My husband was not walking with the Lord when we married, and frankly neither was I. For a couple of years, I was that complaining wife. And my husband was very harsh with me, and we were not happy.
A lovely older woman at our church confronted me about my poor witness as a complainer. I was stunned, and did not at first respond well.
But her words would not leave my thoughts, and the Holy Spirit used that repeating of “your complaint is not honoring to your husband, or your God”
I began to pray for my own heart, then for my husband’s. I was really broken before the Lord for a number of years before my husband followed.
But he has come to such a faith, such a God-honoring life of leadership in our family, now for many years.
I know well that my complaining was tearing my home down, and that God has poured out overwhelming blessing on our family as we have all made it a priority to glory in Him and His kindness to us.
So, for me, being clearly confronted was instrumental for change and I am thankful someone took the chance.

]]> By: Nancy Ann http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37326 Nancy Ann Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:58:42 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37326 Meghan, I agree that women with stinkers for husbands should look for real help. But there is a difference between a wife who is sharing that her husband isn't paying the bills, is not coming home at night, or who is cheating on their income taxes, and the wife who is just complaining that he doesn't take out the garbage or never remembers her birthday or who just isn't "meeting her needs." I was referring to the latter, not the former. Meghan,
I agree that women with stinkers for husbands should look for real help. But there is a difference between a wife who is sharing that her husband isn’t paying the bills, is not coming home at night, or who is cheating on their income taxes, and the wife who is just complaining that he doesn’t take out the garbage or never remembers her birthday or who just isn’t “meeting her needs.” I was referring to the latter, not the former.

]]> By: Susan http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37322 Susan Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:46:26 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37322 One of my favorite quotes is "Thankfulness is how you think, joy is the abundance it produces." When my joy and contentment are lacking it can almost always be traced back to my lack of thankfulness. I always appreciate your wise words. One of my favorite quotes is “Thankfulness is how you think, joy is the abundance it produces.” When my joy and contentment are lacking it can almost always be traced back to my lack of thankfulness. I always appreciate your wise words.

]]> By: Meghan E. http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37320 Meghan E. Fri, 22 Feb 2008 20:31:12 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37320 I think that it is easy for those of us who have wonderful husbands to stand off at a distance and view these other women as "complainers" or the "prayer gossipers". Never getting involed in their lives to see where these complaints stem from. Perhaps after getting to know them better, we find that they are complaints plain and simple, but shock does not seem to me to be the correct response. I think that rather a recognition that they have sin issues just as I do and it is patience that is needed. But I know that there are those out there who this is their desperate cry for friendship because they are living with a terrible husband. We could stand in judgement over them about how they didn't go about it the right way or we could hear them out and offer a comforting word of advice or just plain listen while they spill their guts. "Just submit" rings hollow in a relationship where a man takes this as a liberty to abuse his wife's respect. I think that it is easy for those of us who have wonderful husbands to stand off at a distance and view these other women as “complainers” or the “prayer gossipers”. Never getting involed in their lives to see where these complaints stem from. Perhaps after getting to know them better, we find that they are complaints plain and simple, but shock does not seem to me to be the correct response. I think that rather a recognition that they have sin issues just as I do and it is patience that is needed. But I know that there are those out there who this is their desperate cry for friendship because they are living with a terrible husband. We could stand in judgement over them about how they didn’t go about it the right way or we could hear them out and offer a comforting word of advice or just plain listen while they spill their guts. “Just submit” rings hollow in a relationship where a man takes this as a liberty to abuse his wife’s respect.

]]> By: diane l. vaughan http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37317 diane l. vaughan Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:35:41 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37317 Nancy, Just loved this post! "Yikes. It's like he's talking to us." And indeed He is. He is so good to lead us always into truth! If we would only heed the Proverb that says, "Buy truth, and do not sell it, Get wisdom and instruction and understanding." Nancy,

Just loved this post! “Yikes. It’s like he’s talking to us.” And indeed He is. He is so good to lead us always into truth! If we would only heed the Proverb that says, “Buy truth, and do not sell it, Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.”

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37308 Valerie (Kyriosity) Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:50:10 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37308 <i>"Women are far less vulnerable to deception when they are content."</i> Yes, but discontentment is itself the fruit of deception. It has believed that God is not good. Of course more discontent breeds more vulnerability to deception breeds more discontent breeds more readiness to swallow lies, but I think the unbelief is the first root. “Women are far less vulnerable to deception when they are content.”

Yes, but discontentment is itself the fruit of deception. It has believed that God is not good. Of course more discontent breeds more vulnerability to deception breeds more discontent breeds more readiness to swallow lies, but I think the unbelief is the first root.

]]> By: Ellen http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37290 Ellen Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:30:43 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2008/02/21/the-complaint-cycle/#comment-37290 I just want to echo Shelly's words. I don't always feel thankful about what's happening, but I can thank God as an act of faith, and I know that one day when I stand before Him, I will be so glad that I did. I just want to echo Shelly’s words. I don’t always feel thankful about what’s happening, but I can thank God as an act of faith, and I know that one day when I stand before Him, I will be so glad that I did.

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