Comments on: Submission Requires Courage

By: Charis

Charis — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:47:02 +0000

“When you are having a difficult time submitting on a particular point…” you had best spend a good deal of time in self examination, earnest prayer, (and fasting if you are able). And remember that you are responsible to OBEY GOD, NOT your husband My experience is that my husband's will for ME and God's will for ME do not always correspond and I MUST OBEY GOD! Remember that biblically “submission” is NOT the same word or concept as “obedience”. And note that there is a “no guile” sandwich (1 Peter 2:22; 3:10) around the renowned Sarah role model of submission (see How to “love life and see good days”). For me, that meant I had to STOP passively going along with my husbands whims and thinking that was “submission”. I had to STOP denying and stuffing my reservations about the direction he seemed bent upon. I had to start speaking up. God would not allow me to continue to be conflict avoidant and brush things under the rug in denial which I falsely and self-righteously referred to as “submission”.

By: Billie

Billie — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 13:58:12 +0000

Luma, I seem to need to tell my husband that I miss him and need more of him after weeks when he’s especially busy at work or I’m particularly hormonal! It’s not something that takes care of itself when you say it once. I used to get really frustrated about that (wasn’t he listening to me when we talked about this 4 months ago?!) but now I see it as just part of our cycle of living. So when I’m feeling that way, I get my good cry out before the Lord and then write my dear hubby a note for his lunch box or send a sweet e-mail at work. (I do better in writing!) Sometimes he’s just too busy to notice and needs me to keep him up on what’s going on with me just like other things around the house. (The kids need some new shoes, the propane company filled the tank today, oh, and speaking of tanks, mine could use a little filling, too.)

By: Valerie (Kyriosity)

Valerie (Kyriosity) — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:17:48 +0000

Mrs. Wilson, thanks for your response. I really did know that it was perfectly sensible at the time for Abigail to have accepted David’s offer…I just can’t get over my modern sensibilities on the issue. Of course that’s probably a good thing in many ways!

As for the principle of when a woman should distance herself from her husband, I guess it’s the sort of thing that really does take a lot of wisdom to apply. I’m sure too often it’s a convenient excuse to be contrary on the fabricated pretext of taking the moral high ground.

By: Luma Simms

Luma Simms — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 05:33:00 +0000

Nancy,

The answer is “yes.” I have been saying it for years. However, I will say that as we have both matured in Christ our communication has gotten better and I hope will continue to grow as the Lord sanctifies us. And you’re right, I need to make sure that what I’m saying doesn’t sound like criticism.

Yes, I have heard of the book. I’ll put it on my to read list. With Athanasius only 7 weeks old I have a lot on my plate. I’m currently re-reading “Standing on the Promises.” How’s that for a book plug.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:50:33 +0000

You not wanting to go is not a case of lack of submission. Submission says something like this: “Honey, you know I don’t want to go to the Congo. But if you decide to go, I will go too, and I will support you one hundred percent.”
In the meantime, you should be praying for like-mindedness.

By: Jules

Jules — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:01:24 +0000

Nancy,
When I married him, we never talked about these kinds of things. I knew he had a heart for reaching out to others, as do I, but he never said he wanted to do it as a vocation.
My main reasons for not wanting what he wants is the sacrifice it will take. And since I don’t have the same burning desires that he has, it would be moe of a burden to me than to him. I confess that I have some major issues with fear that play into this. I am praying and seeking counsel on how to overcome them. In the meantime, though, the thought of leaving the securities of home and entering a life I don’t desire is so scary. Thankfully, my husband is so patient and has promised not to drag me anywhere I don’t want to go. I just feel afraid that because I’m not able to trust my husband fully and go wherever he wants, that I might miss the will of God for my lfe. I have been told by several Godly woman that if God is calling us somewhere, He will definitely call me too or at least give me peace about it. My husband doesn’t really see how that is true. What do you think?

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 01:59:28 +0000

This is answering Luma’s question.

It all depends. Have you been telling him this for years already with little to no result? Then don’t keep doing it.
If you have a good relationship and your communication is good, then you should be able to state it in a positive way so that he doesn’t hear it as criticism. Telling him you would love to spend some time with him is different than telling him he hasn’t made any deposits in a long time. Here’s where I can plug a book I’ve been reading. You’ve probably heard of it because it’s not new: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray. It is not a Christian book, but it has a bunch of good old-fashioned wisdom. Very helpful on understanding the opposite sex.

By: Nancy Ann

Nancy Ann — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 01:50:48 +0000

Here are a few things for you to consider. Did you know about his desire for the mission field when you married him? Or is this a new development? Or were you gung ho for the mission field back when you first met, but now you are having second thoughts? Do you have kids? Do you have objective concerns rather than just a “heart” preference? For example, are your concerns things like how you’ll educate the kids or where you will worship? If so, has he answered these things for you? None of these questions is intended to “get you off the hook” from submission. Just things for you to think about. And remember, your job is still the same, that of being a wife and helper, even if his calling changes.

By: Jules

Jules — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 00:45:48 +0000

Nancy,
This is something I have a hard time understanding. In my marriage, my husband and I have some different desires in life. He has a heart for the poor, and very much wants to live and minister umongst them. While I think it is important to minister to anyone in need, I do not feel the same intensity that he does. I in no way feel called to the mission field as a full-time job. My husband is very loving and patient with me, and agrees that God will change my heart. My question for you is, what if my heart never changes? Am I suppost to just follow my husband as he moves us all around the world? I’m not suggesting that I would ever refuse something if he demanded it of me. I just don’t know what to consider submission, and when to expect compromise. I would greatly appreciate any help you could give me. I want to do the right thing!

By: BrittLeigh

BrittLeigh — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 05:38:57 +0000

As a single girl I suppose typically it is my nature to skim over articles such as this with the assumption it doesn’t apply to me now. However, reading this meant a lot to me. I want to be the submissive wife you portrayed with such balance. I love this article. Thank you so much for sharing what you did. It is so refreshing for me to read!