Comments on: Let’s Talk http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/ Sat, 22 Nov 2008 04:14:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=wordpress-mu-1.2.5 By: Katherine http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-19270 Katherine Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:57:31 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-19270 I can identify with Billie quite well. I learned the lesson of bad mouthing a husband in my youth when I became a friends confident and it totally ruined my view of her husband. Though we learned from it, I still struggle with thinking well of her husband. Now I find myself on the other end and sometimes wonder if I say too many good things about my husband. It can create discontentment in the minds of other women, but it can also encourage Godly speach in them about their own lives. Sometimes I think they must be thinking to themselves, "He's so wonderful and contributes so much, what do you contribute?!" :) "The tongue is a fire..." I'll never forget watching a mom bad-mouth her husband to a whole ladies group while holding her toddler in her arms. That is sadness to watch it being seeded into a child's mind. I can identify with Billie quite well. I learned the lesson of bad mouthing a husband in my youth when I became a friends confident and it totally ruined my view of her husband. Though we learned from it, I still struggle with thinking well of her husband. Now I find myself on the other end and sometimes wonder if I say too many good things about my husband. It can create discontentment in the minds of other women, but it can also encourage Godly speach in them about their own lives. Sometimes I think they must be thinking to themselves, “He’s so wonderful and contributes so much, what do you contribute?!” :) “The tongue is a fire…” I’ll never forget watching a mom bad-mouth her husband to a whole ladies group while holding her toddler in her arms. That is sadness to watch it being seeded into a child’s mind.

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-19010 Valerie (Kyriosity) Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:20:59 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-19010 A thought from me, for what it's worth as a single person: Just as negative gossip sets a tone both for an isolated conversation and for the discourse of a community at large, so positive "gossip" can do likewise...with much happier results. So go ahead and brag about your husband...and also use kind, bragging words about your church leaders, your friends, their kids, etc. And don't forget to brag about the person you're talking to, as well. Psalm 16:3 says, "As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight." Why not delight in them right to their faces as well as behind their backs? The opposite of gossip isn't silence, it's edifying speech. I think a wife bragging about her Mr. Wonderful is a splendid place to start! A thought from me, for what it’s worth as a single person: Just as negative gossip sets a tone both for an isolated conversation and for the discourse of a community at large, so positive “gossip” can do likewise…with much happier results. So go ahead and brag about your husband…and also use kind, bragging words about your church leaders, your friends, their kids, etc. And don’t forget to brag about the person you’re talking to, as well. Psalm 16:3 says, “As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.” Why not delight in them right to their faces as well as behind their backs? The opposite of gossip isn’t silence, it’s edifying speech. I think a wife bragging about her Mr. Wonderful is a splendid place to start!

]]> By: Linda T http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18890 Linda T Wed, 24 Oct 2007 12:56:12 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18890 Just a thought on "bragging" - has the outward talk been preceded by prayerful thanksgiving? If we're giving glory to God for His good gifts, we're on the right track. We're commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Sometimes I think we have more trouble with the rejoicing part! We can help this along by also offering thanksgiving and praise for the good gifts we see in others in our families and churches. Just a thought on “bragging” - has the outward talk been preceded by prayerful thanksgiving? If we’re giving glory to God for His good gifts, we’re on the right track. We’re commanded to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. Sometimes I think we have more trouble with the rejoicing part! We can help this along by also offering thanksgiving and praise for the good gifts we see in others in our families and churches.

]]> By: Billie http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18200 Billie Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:33:49 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18200 oops! eagerly, that is. oops! eagerly, that is.

]]> By: Billie http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18193 Billie Tue, 23 Oct 2007 00:15:50 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18193 Natalie, good question! I eager await the answer! I tend to brag a bit on my husband and have sometimes wondered if I'm overdoing the outward respect and tending toward boastfulness...? And then there's the question of: since he and I are now one, is bragging on him like unto bragging about myself? And then sometimes I say such great things about my own husband that make me wonder if I've just made another woman even more discontent in her own marriage and wish I could just hold my tongue a bit better. Guidelines here would be very helpful! (I can take all the guidelines regarding my tongue you can offer--those "checkpoints" a while back were convicting and wonderful!) Thanks! Natalie, good question! I eager await the answer! I tend to brag a bit on my husband and have sometimes wondered if I’m overdoing the outward respect and tending toward boastfulness…? And then there’s the question of: since he and I are now one, is bragging on him like unto bragging about myself? And then sometimes I say such great things about my own husband that make me wonder if I’ve just made another woman even more discontent in her own marriage and wish I could just hold my tongue a bit better. Guidelines here would be very helpful! (I can take all the guidelines regarding my tongue you can offer–those “checkpoints” a while back were convicting and wonderful!) Thanks!

]]> By: Natalie Short http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18096 Natalie Short Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:26:17 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18096 Wow, thanks for this. Although I'm grateful that Allen and I early on established rough guidelines about what to say and to whom it's good to hear this reinforced -especially what to do about it in company. I do have a rather tangential question though which I've been wanting to set before you. I could brag on my husband all day long. I'm just a little confused what to do with that desire (occasionally I'll give vent to it around his mom) and whether it's possible to say too many good things about one's husband in public? I've been pondering on that for a while now and when I asked my husband he said, "Sounds like a good question for Nancy Wilson." I should clarify that one reason for my hesitancy is that I know there are women struggling to be content with their husbands, and I don't want to make myself obnoxious by going on about how wonderful my husband is. Anyway, your thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Wow, thanks for this. Although I’m grateful that Allen and I early on established rough guidelines about what to say and to whom it’s good to hear this reinforced -especially what to do about it in company.

I do have a rather tangential question though which I’ve been wanting to set before you. I could brag on my husband all day long. I’m just a little confused what to do with that desire (occasionally I’ll give vent to it around his mom) and whether it’s possible to say too many good things about one’s husband in public? I’ve been pondering on that for a while now and when I asked my husband he said, “Sounds like a good question for Nancy Wilson.”

I should clarify that one reason for my hesitancy is that I know there are women struggling to be content with their husbands, and I don’t want to make myself obnoxious by going on about how wonderful my husband is.

Anyway, your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

]]> By: Monica http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18091 Monica Mon, 22 Oct 2007 19:11:43 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18091 I read Elizabeth George's Woman after God's Own Heart while I was still engaged, and this is the principle that stood out the most. I had already become uncomfortable with all the husband-talk that went on among the women I knew, and I was already committed to avoid that with my own husband. Reading that book and seeing the same advice from so many other godly wise women has been instrumental in helping me keep that commitment. Sometimes I do catch myself even journaling more details than I should about my relationship with my husband, which I try to avoid since hopefully my children will someday read those journals. I agree that the best release for these emotions is through prayer and preaching to ourselves. Thanks for the great exhortations on this site every day! I read Elizabeth George’s Woman after God’s Own Heart while I was still engaged, and this is the principle that stood out the most. I had already become uncomfortable with all the husband-talk that went on among the women I knew, and I was already committed to avoid that with my own husband. Reading that book and seeing the same advice from so many other godly wise women has been instrumental in helping me keep that commitment. Sometimes I do catch myself even journaling more details than I should about my relationship with my husband, which I try to avoid since hopefully my children will someday read those journals. I agree that the best release for these emotions is through prayer and preaching to ourselves. Thanks for the great exhortations on this site every day!

]]> By: Alison http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18087 Alison Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:45:32 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18087 "Lay out all your troubles, complaints, concerns, and confusions to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you sort it all out." Thank you for always sending this message out, through your books, column and blogs. God has been gracious to me to bring this to my heart more and more. It takes practice, doesn't it? If we've spent years dealing with marriage issues "talking things out" - with friends (bad-mouthing), husbands (nagging and complaining), our minds (in an anxious/worrying way) - pouring out our hearts out to the Lord is something we need to practice. But He is so kind and gracious to us. He gives wisdom without reproach (James 1:5)- another verse He just opened my eyes to and what joy it is to know that! Anyway, thank you again! “Lay out all your troubles, complaints, concerns, and confusions to the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to help you sort it all out.”

Thank you for always sending this message out, through your books, column and blogs. God has been gracious to me to bring this to my heart more and more. It takes practice, doesn’t it? If we’ve spent years dealing with marriage issues “talking things out” - with friends (bad-mouthing), husbands (nagging and complaining), our minds (in an anxious/worrying way) - pouring out our hearts out to the Lord is something we need to practice. But He is so kind and gracious to us. He gives wisdom without reproach (James 1:5)- another verse He just opened my eyes to and what joy it is to know that!

Anyway, thank you again!

]]> By: kamelda http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18031 kamelda Mon, 22 Oct 2007 14:40:53 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-18031 'I remember many years ago, a woman was spilling to me and another lady about how her husband was being a jerk. I tried to intervene in order to stop her by giving her some advice about her situation. She interrupted me, put her hand out, and said something like, “Stop. I don’t want to hear it.” And so I told her I didn’t want to hear it either unless she was seeking help.' Perhaps, sometime, you could offer some insight on how you are able to say things that need to be said in such situations? I have had several single people tell me that their married friends have turned them off of marriage entirely with this kind of girltalk. ‘I remember many years ago, a woman was spilling to me and another lady about how her husband was being a jerk. I tried to intervene in order to stop her by giving her some advice about her situation. She interrupted me, put her hand out, and said something like, “Stop. I don’t want to hear it.” And so I told her I didn’t want to hear it either unless she was seeking help.’

Perhaps, sometime, you could offer some insight on how you are able to say things that need to be said in such situations?

I have had several single people tell me that their married friends have turned them off of marriage entirely with this kind of girltalk.

]]> By: Abra http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-17976 Abra Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:51:51 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/10/21/lets-talk/#comment-17976 This is one of those sins that I've been taught to avoid and simply need to remember. I'm attempting to cultivate the habit of reversing scenario in my mind before I say something (such as, "What if he said this about me? How would i feel?). Thank you for the reminder. This is one of those sins that I’ve been taught to avoid and simply need to remember. I’m attempting to cultivate the habit of reversing scenario in my mind before I say something (such as, “What if he said this about me? How would i feel?). Thank you for the reminder.

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