Comments on: Waves of Weddings http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/ Mon, 01 Dec 2008 20:10:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=wordpress-mu-1.2.5 By: Megan Lindsay http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1756 Megan Lindsay Mon, 27 Aug 2007 04:15:58 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1756 We have been to weddings where people who were on a tight budget (i.e., no meal or dancing) handled it with grace, and many where people did not. Although we had a formal reception, one of the things we chose to do that actually enabled us to have something more formal was to ask others to help. I know sometimes that can get overwhelming to a bride when there are too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. But we thought that asking others to help was a way to show them how much we loved them and were thankful they were there, as well as allow them to give their talents as wedding gifts instead of traditional household items. We planned activities between photos and the end of the reception that cost us next to nothing as a result, which our guests still tell us they enjoyed (like having friends teach folk and ballroom dances, and setting up table games to encourage introductions and conversation). We certainly couldn't guarantee that all of our guests would extend us grace when inevitable bumps in the evening occurrred (which they did!), but we tried very hard to think ahead of ways to be gracious to them so they might be more inclined to give it to us! We were just so profoundly greatful they were there, we wanted to be sure they knew it. We have been to weddings where people who were on a tight budget (i.e., no meal or dancing) handled it with grace, and many where people did not. Although we had a formal reception, one of the things we chose to do that actually enabled us to have something more formal was to ask others to help. I know sometimes that can get overwhelming to a bride when there are too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. But we thought that asking others to help was a way to show them how much we loved them and were thankful they were there, as well as allow them to give their talents as wedding gifts instead of traditional household items.

We planned activities between photos and the end of the reception that cost us next to nothing as a result, which our guests still tell us they enjoyed (like having friends teach folk and ballroom dances, and setting up table games to encourage introductions and conversation). We certainly couldn’t guarantee that all of our guests would extend us grace when inevitable bumps in the evening occurrred (which they did!), but we tried very hard to think ahead of ways to be gracious to them so they might be more inclined to give it to us! We were just so profoundly greatful they were there, we wanted to be sure they knew it.

]]> By: Billie http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1582 Billie Wed, 15 Aug 2007 13:08:39 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1582 Okay, so all the pictures first, just find a way to make the bride and groom meeting special. And I could have better prepared the people handling my reception rather than assuming they knew my expectations (don't hold back any of the food, turn the music on...) Something to keep in mind when the time comes for our children. :) Adena, I've received thank you cards for things much later than that, and it's heartwarming and amusing all in one. I never remembered not receiving one in the first place, and it's a joy to know the gift is still appreciated. Okay, so all the pictures first, just find a way to make the bride and groom meeting special. And I could have better prepared the people handling my reception rather than assuming they knew my expectations (don’t hold back any of the food, turn the music on…) Something to keep in mind when the time comes for our children. :)

Adena, I’ve received thank you cards for things much later than that, and it’s heartwarming and amusing all in one. I never remembered not receiving one in the first place, and it’s a joy to know the gift is still appreciated.

]]> By: nancyann http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1564 nancyann Tue, 14 Aug 2007 04:24:37 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1564 Adena, By all means do send out a note of apology and thanks to as many gift-givers as you can remember. Start with the apology and them tell them how much you have enjoyed the gift these two years. You will feel better, and they will appreciate it. Adena,
By all means do send out a note of apology and thanks to as many gift-givers as you can remember. Start with the apology and them tell them how much you have enjoyed the gift these two years. You will feel better, and they will appreciate it.

]]> By: Lee http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1561 Lee Mon, 13 Aug 2007 13:14:41 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1561 Chiming in here to say that when we were married we took the pictures before the wedding service. It was so much easier on the guests, and more fun for us too. I appreciate the tips. Hopefully we'll have a Moscow wedding one day! Chiming in here to say that when we were married we took the pictures before the wedding service. It was so much easier on the guests, and more fun for us too.

I appreciate the tips. Hopefully we’ll have a Moscow wedding one day!

]]> By: Adena http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1559 Adena Mon, 13 Aug 2007 04:51:25 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1559 Nancy, I'm not very certain how to ask this question, for it is quite embarassing. My husband and I never sent thank you cards. It has been two years and the memory still haunts me. There are several reasons and a few excuses that aren't worth mentioning, but I am wondering if you think there might be a way to at least try to make amends for that neglect. I've thought about maybe sending out a letter to those who gift gave (although I no longer have the lists, I'm fairly certain I could remember who blessed us with gifts)- apologizing, thanking, updating... I'm not sure if that would do- do you have any suggestions? Nancy,
I’m not very certain how to ask this question, for it is quite embarassing. My husband and I never sent thank you cards. It has been two years and the memory still haunts me. There are several reasons and a few excuses that aren’t worth mentioning, but I am wondering if you think there might be a way to at least try to make amends for that neglect. I’ve thought about maybe sending out a letter to those who gift gave (although I no longer have the lists, I’m fairly certain I could remember who blessed us with gifts)- apologizing, thanking, updating…

I’m not sure if that would do- do you have any suggestions?

]]> By: nancyann http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1540 nancyann Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:15:44 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1540 The most common thing here is for the pictures to be done well before the wedding. The couple is left alone together for a few minutes to greet one another in their wedding finery, and then all the pics get done with all the families together, and there is no pressure of waiting guests. After pictures, there is usually some down time before the ceremony so the family and wedding party can relax and have something to eat(usually something that won't be messy). After the ceremony, everyone arrives at the reception together. I've been to weddings like the ones you have described (with a long lull before the bride and groom arrive). The best ones have plenty of food and music for the guests (drinks and hors d'oeuvres) so that it really is a party while the guests wait for the arrival of the bride and groom. Sounds like Diane did what has become common here as well, and that is for the couple to make it around to all the tables to greet the guests. The most common thing here is for the pictures to be done well before the wedding. The couple is left alone together for a few minutes to greet one another in their wedding finery, and then all the pics get done with all the families together, and there is no pressure of waiting guests. After pictures, there is usually some down time before the ceremony so the family and wedding party can relax and have something to eat(usually something that won’t be messy). After the ceremony, everyone arrives at the reception together. I’ve been to weddings like the ones you have described (with a long lull before the bride and groom arrive). The best ones have plenty of food and music for the guests (drinks and hors d’oeuvres) so that it really is a party while the guests wait for the arrival of the bride and groom. Sounds like Diane did what has become common here as well, and that is for the couple to make it around to all the tables to greet the guests.

]]> By: Natalie Short http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1538 Natalie Short Thu, 09 Aug 2007 17:48:51 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1538 As for photos our photographer took all the pictures except for couple and group pictures beforehand. Most the of the couple pictures were taken outside immediately after we'd come down the aisle and while people where still leaving the sanctuary. Some people even stayed and chatted during the formal group pictures. All in all I don't think were delayed from the reception more than half and hour. As for photos our photographer took all the pictures except for couple and group pictures beforehand. Most the of the couple pictures were taken outside immediately after we’d come down the aisle and while people where still leaving the sanctuary. Some people even stayed and chatted during the formal group pictures. All in all I don’t think were delayed from the reception more than half and hour.

]]> By: diane l. vaughan http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1536 diane l. vaughan Thu, 09 Aug 2007 17:09:38 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1536 Nancy, I loved reading your wedding etiquette reminders! Appropriate etiquette for all sorts of circustances is becoming a lost art in our day. I especially liked your special focus to the teens and young single folks. As mothers we must make sure that we teach our children these kinds of social graces. And yes, we must not take things personal. This is hard to do in practice, much easier in theory. For me, it always comes back to trusting in the Lord's good providence to order my coming and going. My last comment is this - and this is something my husband and I did at our reception. We took time to go from table to table to greet and thank our guests for coming. It can be hard to try to get to everyone, but we did and we were so blessed and I think it blessed our guests as well. It feels very strange to be invited to a wedding, especially if you've traveled a distance to get there and the bride and groom only spends time with their closer friends who they often see. Not that you place expectations on them as if they owe you some time, I just think it is good and proper wedding reception etiquette to acknowledge out of town folks even if it is only giving a little of their time to them at least it is time to extend gratefulness to their out of town guests for taking the time and expense to share in their special day. I do hope I made sense here. Nancy,
I loved reading your wedding etiquette reminders! Appropriate etiquette for all sorts of circustances is becoming a lost art in our day. I especially liked your special focus to the teens and young single folks. As mothers we must make sure that we teach our children these kinds of social graces. And yes, we must not take things personal. This is hard to do in practice, much easier in theory. For me, it always comes back to trusting in the Lord’s good providence to order my coming and going.

My last comment is this - and this is something my husband and I did at our reception. We took time to go from table to table to greet and thank our guests for coming. It can be hard to try to get to everyone, but we did and we were so blessed and I think it blessed our guests as well. It feels very strange to be invited to a wedding, especially if you’ve traveled a distance to get there and the bride and groom only spends time with their closer friends who they often see. Not that you place expectations on them as if they owe you some time, I just think it is good and proper wedding reception etiquette to acknowledge out of town folks even if it is only giving a little of their time to them at least it is time to extend gratefulness to their out of town guests for taking the time and expense to share in their special day. I do hope I made sense here.

]]> By: Renae http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1535 Renae Thu, 09 Aug 2007 14:14:11 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1535 Billie, ours sounds very similar to yours... all the joint bride/groom photos were taken afterwards, and we were having a simple reception, with no meal or dancing, afterwards. By the time we got down to the fellowship hall, many if not most guests had left. I was so disappointed and felt rude for inconveniencing my guests. I wonder if it could work, if you're having a simple reception, for the wedding party to go to the reception first, cut the cake & give a few well-wishes, then do the photos? The bride & groom would have to be very nice to each other when feeding each other cake (*grin*). In retrospect, even with a simple cake & punch reception, it would have been good to plan for some music (a quartet maybe?), some finger sandwiches or other light eats, and simple activities I've seen at other receptions: a slideshow, memory book for guests to write in, photo board... any other ideas? Billie, ours sounds very similar to yours… all the joint bride/groom photos were taken afterwards, and we were having a simple reception, with no meal or dancing, afterwards. By the time we got down to the fellowship hall, many if not most guests had left. I was so disappointed and felt rude for inconveniencing my guests.

I wonder if it could work, if you’re having a simple reception, for the wedding party to go to the reception first, cut the cake & give a few well-wishes, then do the photos? The bride & groom would have to be very nice to each other when feeding each other cake (*grin*).

In retrospect, even with a simple cake & punch reception, it would have been good to plan for some music (a quartet maybe?), some finger sandwiches or other light eats, and simple activities I’ve seen at other receptions: a slideshow, memory book for guests to write in, photo board… any other ideas?

]]> By: Valerie (Kyriosity) http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1534 Valerie (Kyriosity) Thu, 09 Aug 2007 12:05:26 +0000 http://femina.reformedblogs.com/2007/08/08/waves-of-weddings/#comment-1534 Billie, how formal was your reception? I've been at receptions like that where we had to wait for.ev.er for the bride and groom to arrive, and I think the simplest thing to keep your guests sane is to feed them something while they're waiting. Another option would be to have a clear plan with the photographer about how many pictures to take so the session won't last eternally. On the flip side, people understand that wedding photography takes time, and it's not unusual to wait for a while for the couple to arrive, so be patient and talk amongst yourselves...but not about how long you've been waiting. ;-) Billie, how formal was your reception? I’ve been at receptions like that where we had to wait for.ev.er for the bride and groom to arrive, and I think the simplest thing to keep your guests sane is to feed them something while they’re waiting. Another option would be to have a clear plan with the photographer about how many pictures to take so the session won’t last eternally. On the flip side, people understand that wedding photography takes time, and it’s not unusual to wait for a while for the couple to arrive, so be patient and talk amongst yourselves…but not about how long you’ve been waiting. ;-)

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