Comments on: Don’t Pretend to be Happy

By: Valerie (Kyriosity)

Valerie (Kyriosity) — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 14:48:52 +0000

“Rather than doing those things to glorify God it was always on my mind and often times without truly realizing it, when this gets in order then I’ll get married.”

Donna, I could have written that. I know exactly what you mean!

By: Donna

Donna — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 00:08:15 +0000

Reading this article was a blessing. A few months ago it seemed like I was posting articles on my myspace blog concerning marriage like every other day until one day I had to say to the readers of my blog. Look I love to post articles on the basis of wow this will really bless those that I know read my blog but this evidently is something on my heart and I need to stop speaking about how okay I am to be single. I don’t want to be single yet I am content also learning the difference made a huge difference because I felt since the desire was there and namely as you stated the one that got away. It was really difficult facing the fact that I was still single, I’m a single mom, I’d love to have another child as a believer and in a covenant relationship and the list goes on. So for a long long time I beat myself up for every day I wasn’t married evidently I wasn’t doing something right wasn’t planning well enough wasn’t doing this wasn’t doing that and although there is some truth to that in I believe the Lord led me in learning what it means to be a wife what that entails areas in my life that I need to mature in first etc. Rather than doing those things to glorify God it was always on my mind and often times without truly realizing it, when this gets in order then I’ll get married.

Then as someone else stated not being given the proper direction in how one should be, often told of the gift of singleness as if it were a curse to desire marriage. Oppose to directing me to that which I didn’t see in my singleness that I have and am grateful to be able to say I enjoy my singleness doesn’t change the fact that I desire to marry yet it does place my eyes on pleasing God and not working towards a goal of marriage.

So as I said a blessing to read this.

By: nancyann

nancyann — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 20:00:02 +0000

Emily,
1 Cor. 7 covers a lot of territory, but I assume you are speaking of Paul’s thought that it is better to remain single. We need to remember the context of the times in which he was writing: Jerusalem would be destroyed shortly. It would be hard enough for those without families, and far more difficult for those with wives and children. Even so, he says each has his gift, and he does not forbid marriage. It seems to me that those with the gift of singleness have no desire to marry, and those who desire marriage obviously don’t have the gift. All Christians are commanded to be content. But being content does not mean there is no desire for marriage. A sick man can be content in his sickness all the while praying for healing. Hope that helps.

By: Emily Shearouse

Emily Shearouse — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 10:10:43 +0000

Thank you; that was a good article!

What do you think about 1 Corinthians 7? I’ve often puzzled over it. Obviously, marriage is good, but he also says that remaining unmarried is better. Of course I want to be devoted to the Lord, and I’d much rather give up anything than be distracted from Him. I haven’t ever come to a satisfactory understanding of that passage. Evidently, ALL Christians can’t remain single, because then there would be no new generation! And what does “the gift of singleness” mean? All Christians are called to contentment, so it can’t be that those ones with the “gift” are just contented.

I have heard different interpretations of that passage, and I just wonder what you think about it. I am not trying to be contrary; just digging for hidden treasure.

Thank you!

By: Heather Greene

Heather Greene — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 17:22:18 +0000

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and thought provoking words. I have only been married three months and I’m still almost in shock of how God answered the crys of my heart. I currently have a list of about 35 single friends for whom I pray daily because they desire marriage and God has not granted them the desire of their hearts yet.

In my last year of singleness I became very open about my struggle and I was met with very many unfortunate comments about how my “bitterness” and “lack of contentment” were sinful and I should be happy with my singleness. I needed to focus on all the great things I could do because I was single. Unfortunately, when probed for a list of those “great things” I was only greeted with a seeming “laundry list of selfishness” including, “You can do whatever you want whenever you want to,” “You don’t have to ask permission to buy clothes,” “You can leave dirty clothes on the floor” “You can…”

Well, you get the point. I knew that the purpose of being single was to glorify God, NOT to justify self-centered living. I felt called to marriage and family and both single and married people alike told me that I needed to “just be content.” I asked, “But what if I’m not.” All they could say was “well, you have to be!”

I knew desiring to be married was not a sin although it was possible to turn that desire into an idol. I cried out to the Lord for contentment in singleness but moreso for a husband and I asked my entire family (including aunts and uncles and cousins) to pray for a husband for me.

A few months later my aunt set me up with her Sunday School teacher (long-distance) and the relationship was so clearly what God had intended for both of us that we were married within six months of meeting. I left my job, friends, and cozy little condo and moved to a different state to marry the man that God had so obviously reserved for me.

My heart goes out to single women…especially those who are much older than I am. I struggled with my singless and didn’t receive comfort, only reprimanding and condemnation for apparent “sin issues.”

I have so many thoughts on this issue I could go on and on, but for now, I will just say thank you for your post. I look forward to keeping up with your blog in the future.

Blessings,
Mrs. (finally) Heather Greene

By: Larry White

Larry White — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 23:34:35 +0000

What a beautiful message! Thank you, Nancy. And thanks to Doug for linking this.

By: Susan Ayers

Susan Ayers — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 21:26:34 +0000

Thank you. This has been helpful to me in the area of desiring children, another “good thing” to desire. I am still learning contentment.

By: Kate Franklin

Kate Franklin — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 13:06:33 +0000

Mrs. Wilson,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this article! It was extremely engouraging . . . and challenging. The balance between godly desire and godly contentment is so very difficult to find during this transition time of singleness, but is diligently sought by many. Your wisdom and kindness in the matter are greatly appreciated.
I don’t suppose you would consider writing a book that marries Mrs. Maken’s good sense and Mrs. Elliot’s mature contenment, would you? In all of your copious spare time . . .
Many thanks,
Kate Franklin (23, unmarried, currently trying to be contentedly discontent.:)